So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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