And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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