if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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