I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
