Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
