I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
