I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
