I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize