It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
