so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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