Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Operation Purity has been aborted
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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