I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she pinky promised me she was 18
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
