Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
