Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
