I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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