Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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