bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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