Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize