Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
