I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
