Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
