1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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