fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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