There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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