I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
farters have to be the big spoon...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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