he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
