This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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