Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
