I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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