So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
