It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
