You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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