New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
