Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
