I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
