I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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