you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
