I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
