The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
