It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize