U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
