You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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