and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
