I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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