I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
