How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
