this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
