It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
