so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Pooping to opera.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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