I hate all girls vehemently.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
