just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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