Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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