Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
