So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
