That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
