You're completely useless in the revolution.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
