i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
