I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Everything about him screamed your future.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
