my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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