addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
