it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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