so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
