that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
