So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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