do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
